It's Gettin A Little Drafty... (Part 3 of 4)

With the big news of the cover and plot reveal for The Painted Lady being last week, I skipped putting up this third entry in my short blog series about editing drafts because I didn't want it to get lost in the mix.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Two weeks ago I put up the second draft version of a paragraph that appears in Lady. While the paragraph packed more information, bringing out a greater sense of story than the meager original paragraph in draft one, it was also a bit wordy for my tastes. Which brings me to draft three.

In my third drafts I ruthlessly comb through the manuscript looking to cut cut cut - cut out anything that is hindering the voice of the work. I like to hear a rhythm when reading, even if that means taking out larger words that may make me appear smarter than your average bear and changing them out for ones that are simpler if it makes the read flow better.

Flow is underrated, I believe. Flow makes or breaks the story.

OK, let's look at the examples.

Here is draft two again:

He stared across the table at the woman - this woman far too beautiful for him. This wasn't one of those instances where Miles was selling himself short; it's just that he wasn't naïve to the fact that he was the luckiest guy in Tony's Restaurant. If not the world. To further drive this point there were numerous sly glances of the congratulatory kind - winks and nods - fielding in his direction. Of these he was appreciative. It's always nice to know when people think the one you're with is more than decent enough on the eyes. And not just your own pair. Questionable attractiveness is subject to specific tastes. Real beauty is appreciated by all.

And now, draft three:

He stared across the table at the woman - this woman far too beautiful for him. This wasn't one of those self-depreciating instances where Miles was selling himself short by knowing he was far beyond his league; it's just that he wasn't naïve to the fact that he was the luckiest guy in Tony's Restaurant. To further drive this point came numerous sly gestures of the congratulatory kind - winks and nods and even a thumbs up from one older man who also saw fit to lick his rubbery lips suggestively at the same time - fielding in his direction. Of these he was appreciative; of the old man, a bit weirded out. It's always nice to know when other people think the one you're with is more than decent enough on the eyes.

Funny (and ironic and hypocritical) that I said draft three is where I cut cut cut, and yet what's here is longer than draft two. This is where flow and style and substance come into play. After reading draft two I wanted the book to have more humor and thus inserted the image of an old man making suggestive gestures. It was something simple and not too distracting even though it added to the length. It gives the book, and certainly this particular scene, more of a personality.

Draft three is my beta reader draft. If my small circle of readers don't like something that's there then it goes out the window in draft four, my "sale draft."

Next week we'll finish up this blog series by discussing the fourth (sale) draft and final draft. Hopefully, too, I'll have some really cool news to announce regarding the upcoming set of micro-stories leading into this summer's The Painted Lady.